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Friday, June 5, 2015

A Sonnet

I wrote this sonnet this morning. I'm not sure what to call it:

An Unnamed Sonnet

He came to me by chance in late April,
after a long year hiatus, we talked again;
I sat by the window, thoughts racing, fingers still
as you text me in Arabic, and surprisingly then
you call to me in a Saudi/Canadian accent, thick,
and explain to me that I wrote "tiring" instead.
Laughing, "but I can be tiring!" I'm rather quick--
"lol" he replied and not thinking with my head
I laughed and apologized, and with that
he made me blush - I appreciate you and if here
I'd give you a hug. I am speechless as I sat
upon my couch, my eyes streaming with tears.
And in these beautiful moments nothing compares
to the Arabic lessons and heartfelt flares.

This sonnet is referring to these messages from Tuesday:

Apparently when I used to say انا متعب to the other people I spoke Arabic with, I was saying "I'm tiring." Glad Moe set me straight and we had a good laugh about it. I'm surprised the two others I speak with didn't point that out, but they might have been going with the flow - they know I'm learning too.

Anyway, this conversation made me smile and blush a bit. I like Moe and sometimes the feelings scare me/make me nervous. I've never really liked someone as much as I like him and it makes me anxious. I don't know if that's normal or not. Sometimes when I get anxious on him, like today, we'll start conversing in Arabic and then switch to English. I think once I calm down, I might ask him to teach me some anxiety words in Arabic.  I cherish our conversations, though.


  1. This sounds like the person you just discussed with me.

    (I may be an outlier like everyone claims, but the person typing opines you are normal! Everyone, in my opinion, is a bit tiring. Except Ian, who is attracted to me, even when I'm a menstrual mess: he keeps inviting me to his house, but he, too, is an outlier in my experience. Yesterday I went over, calmed his neurotic cat, and now he can't have enough of me. Men are simple, much as they might protest. Female men, too, but their simplicity is of a different nature.)

    It could be the others who didn't point it out were making fun of you behind your back. People who don't speak the language are EASY TARGETS for mockery.
    I REALLY don't want to be mean to you in commenting thus: this has just been my real experience, in Russian and French. (Not Chinese or Japanese, as those cultures are so strongly against making others feel bad.) Particularly Russian, either since I've worked hardest on that language or since some of those who speak Russian are in fact nastier people.

    The anxiety you describe sounds normal, according to everything I've ever read in Psychology Today about falling in love. What Neuroscience Tells Us About Being in Love sounds relevant. Aw, skimming it, maybe not really... Maybe the blog entry The Early Stages of Falling in Love could help you figure out what's going on better. Hm, no, reading it, I see just advice not to stop paying attention to yourself.

    Hmm, Ian was suggesting today that I might not tell him if I'm having troubles with him, in the way that I didn't directly tell Matt I was having troubles with him, so for this reason we should likely remain platonic friends. I need to remember the exact time when I was, to soothe his anxiety. Um... it was the whole waking-me-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night issue we discussed which most likely brought about the seizure. Ian says most likely not, but Matt and I discussed it for hours at length and we conclude it was.

    As I told my friend this morning, "Удачи!, Бывай!" which sounds kind of like udachi, behvai and means take care!

    1. I skimmed both and hmmm...I'm not sure. My exes told me they "loved" me - the first one, three weeks into the relationship and the second one on the first date. They weren't, they said that phrase to manipulate me. I don't want that happening I exercise extreme caution. I felt bad for the two people I dated and was more of a mother. Again, I don't want to do that... so that's another area I'm cautious with nowadays. I tend to care and want to care for people. A lot of people take advantage and I learned that the VERY hard way in November 2013.

      That's why this feeling makes me feel really weird. It scares me. I don't want things to end badly because things tend to end very badly for me. Hence, why I had that brief discussion for you. I don't know.

      They could be making fun of me behind my back! Who knows. :) Take care and rest up!

    2. I think the point of those articles was more about how you feel, not so much about what's happening on the guy's end.
      What were you feeling with your exes...? That's probably sticking my hand into the hornet nest, but I think that may eventually help you refine how to behave when communicating with Moe.

      No one in her right mind wants things to end badly!

      Sleep well!

    3. Honestly, they made me feel really awful. With the first one, I was too afraid to speak up with how irresponsible he acted and keeping tabs on him to make sure he woke up to go to high school. I was a freshman in college then. I always called to wake him up before class started. And he made me feel paranoid. He was close to his ex. Then the 2nd one, we fought a lot. He was the older version of my first ex (he was 4 years older than me... so 5.5 years older than the first ex). He also made me feel scared. I'll FB you about that one. He also made me feel paranoid and made me question my nagging bad feelings about him, He's the one who demanded I go on psych meds or else.

      Both of those relationships ended badly. I talk to neither one. Then Steven... well, you know how that went down.

    4. I am accessible via FB and via clrbear430 at verizon dot net, so whenever you feel inclined I will eventually get to it - today is my long-awaited Library Trip (the main thing that's not been put on hold yet is one of those psych books I requested yesterday, 158.1 S, called The Comfort Trap). The other two things that are ready are the second volume of a Chinese graphic novel, J. Bronowski's The Ascent of Man, and Norman Soloman's War Made Easy. Because, you know... :P the Oxford comma.

      How stressful! When I was a freshman that age, definitely all committed to Cong, a year older, a Chinese-English Cambridge Latinist-mathematician whom my sister abhors. He "stole me" from a Texan computer scientist of my age plus a few months. And then I drove myself into my car accident. He was a good sport and stuck around for a long time, but then disapparated for this or that reason. Then things got interesting. I settled into a pattern of maths majors who don't clearly know how to treat humans, with an outlier of a physics guy. Currently Ian, a psychologist/computerist of a few years older, is trying to wrest me from Matt, a Russian mathematician (of a similar age) whom the guy I really adore from my Russian class, Ben (and Dr Speh, the Spanish/Russian professor), declared a good person. These people (aside from the recommending professor) look virtually identical, but the point is what's upstairs.

      Have a nice Saturday morning ^_^

  2. I'm impressed you can write or type Arabic. In college, I lasted two days in Japanese. Dropped out.

    1. I can hand write Arabic too! I should upload some of my writing. It's still a bit sloppy... but I'm getting better. :) I love keeping up with it and I hope I can take lessons soon. I loved the two years I took and I love keeping up with ArabicPod, old textbooks, and chats.

      Japanese always looked neat to me. Maybe some day. :)

    2. Lauren swears by the Genki textbook (that's a free download), if you're courageous enough for independent study. My Japanese is a bit shoddy, but it's the first foreign language I actually wanted to learn. がんばって!