For those of you that have me added on Facebook, you will notice I have another picture for day #85.I'm laying low about some things and I was doing some thinking today: I will be deleting people from my Facebook. I feel, actually I know, I am hiding from people about my decisions. I'm tired of hiding because this is my decision and I shouldn't have to defend my decision. Back in the winter, one of mom's Midwestern coworkers posted, "Remember folks, we're all adults here. We make our own decisions and we live with them" or something to that effect. I'm an adult, as much as some people deny that, this was a decision I made on my own. I will be visiting and I'm looking forward to it. I'm really looking forward to it. Anyway, this is what I posted today:
Day #85: What a beautiful day. Mimi and I enjoyed the outside. Also, the Tigers, Brewers and Orioles all won today! YAY! Happy Opening Day!
Anyway, I did some writing today for Bubblews. While I was on break at the library, I looked at Monoxide pictures on the official Twiztid Instagram to post to my Instagram for mcm (Man Crush Monday). I saw one where he was smoking and he posted that he looked chubby. Here's the article I wrote: Loving a Heavy Person. However, I'm going to expand upon a little bit on this here and show you a video of a Monoxide interview. I'd say this is from 2003/2004 when he was 30/31. The content is NSFW (not safe for work), but I think it explains some things.
As I was sifting through Monoxide pictures today for mcm or Man Crush Monday, I came upon a picture of his where he says, "Smokin... llal my face looks ....... chubby? Llal." I replied, "Aww, cute. Chubby doesn't matter: made my heart melt." (Yes, I am a sucker for Monoxide.) I noticed other girls were flirting as well, but it made me think. Monoxide used to be thin and people commented that it seemed like he and Madrox switched roles. I like Monoxide either way, honestly. Besides his smoking, he seems healthy and he's active. That doesn't bother me as long as he's healthy. I dated two heavier guys and the weight didn't bother me, but their lack of exercise and watching their diets bothered me. They just didn't care about themselves. I know that's not the case with Monoxide. Also, as we see in this video, Monoxide was on an anti-depressant and that adds weight. He was on Zoloft and I was on Zoloft at one point as well. It caused me to gain A LOT of weight (of course thyroid issues didn't help). Actually, I could relate to how he felt pre-medication because I've been there as well - it's a scary place to be in. I'm glad he's better and because he's better, I believe the weight gain is not that big of a deal (I had a friend say, "I rather be healthy even if it means I'm a little chubby than really skinny and unhealthy.") as long as it helps.
I don't judge. Especially when it comes to situations that Monoxide describes. I used to be really heavy; I'm still somewhat heavy though I'm losing. I have thyroid issues and I was on other medications that packed on the extra weight. I got off those medicines and my thyroid is getting better, but I'll be on thyroid hormone the rest of my life. I probably will never get back to pre-thyroid and medication weight, but I am very healthy and I do exercise. I never judge people on weight because you don't know what they are going through. However, it seems like most people (both male and female) judge. When I was heavier, I never got hit on. Then again, neither did I when I was thin. But, when friends at the time were getting hit on and going off with guys, that used to bother me. It actually killed my self esteem. Now, since I'm moving, it doesn't bother me so much anymore because I'm at where I want to be and working hard, but I also have other priorities (moving, job, getting my life together).
I can't say if other girls meant what they said, but I meant every word I left Monoxide. As long as he's healthy, his weight doesn't bother me. Also, if he is still on medications, as long as it helps him, it doesn't bother me either. Again, I can relate to things wholeheartedly. He's also going to be 41 years old in July, we get heavier as we age usually. I don't think Monoxide is that much heavier now than he was in this video (Google him if you don't pay attention to the pictures I do post :p ). Monoxide is a good person, he's a very genuine person and I love how he talks to us (other celebrities don't usually). To me, personality counts much more than physical looks, especially if someone can't help it. Of course, health does mean the world to me as well. I guess what I want to say is what I feel is like what he describes in the video: it's more than looks, Juggalos and Juggalettes; we're people and we're family and we all have differences that should be appreciated.