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Monday, March 31, 2014

100 Days of Happy: Day #85/ Loving a Heavy Person

Day #85: Good day! Tigers, Brewers and Orioles all won - happy opening day, y'all! It was also beautiful outside and I enjoyed being out there with Mimi. I think it'll start to be spring soon.

For those of you that have me added on Facebook, you will notice I have another picture for day #85.I'm laying low about some things and I was doing some thinking today: I will be deleting people from my Facebook. I feel, actually I know, I am hiding from people about my decisions. I'm tired of hiding because this is my decision and I shouldn't have to defend my decision. Back in the winter, one of mom's Midwestern coworkers posted, "Remember folks, we're all adults here. We make our own decisions and we live with them" or something to that effect. I'm an adult, as much as some people deny that, this was a decision I made on my own. I will be visiting and I'm looking forward to it. I'm really looking forward to it. Anyway, this is what I posted today:

Day #85: What a beautiful day. Mimi and I enjoyed the outside. Also, the Tigers, Brewers and Orioles all won today! YAY! Happy Opening Day! 

Anyway, I did some writing today for Bubblews. While I was on break at the library, I looked at Monoxide pictures on the official Twiztid Instagram to post to my Instagram for mcm (Man Crush Monday). I saw one where he was smoking and he posted that he looked chubby. Here's the article I wrote: Loving a Heavy Person. However, I'm going to expand upon a little bit on this here and show you a video of a Monoxide interview. I'd say this is from 2003/2004 when he was 30/31. The content is NSFW (not safe for work), but I think it explains some things.

As I was sifting through Monoxide pictures today for mcm or Man Crush Monday, I came upon a picture of his where he says, "Smokin... llal my face looks ....... chubby? Llal." I replied, "Aww, cute. Chubby doesn't matter: made my heart melt." (Yes, I am a sucker for Monoxide.) I noticed other girls were flirting as well, but it made me think. Monoxide used to be thin and people commented that it seemed like he and Madrox switched roles. I like Monoxide either way, honestly. Besides his smoking, he seems healthy and he's active. That doesn't bother me as long as he's healthy. I dated two heavier guys and the weight didn't bother me, but their lack of exercise and watching their diets bothered me. They just didn't care about themselves. I know that's not the case with Monoxide. Also, as we see in this video, Monoxide was on an anti-depressant and that adds weight. He was on Zoloft and I was on Zoloft at one point as well. It caused me to gain A LOT of weight (of course thyroid issues didn't help). Actually, I could relate to how he felt pre-medication because I've been there as well - it's a scary place to be in. I'm glad he's better and because he's better, I believe the weight gain is not that big of a deal (I had a friend say, "I rather be healthy even if it means I'm a little chubby than really skinny and unhealthy.") as long as it helps.

I don't judge. Especially when it comes to situations that Monoxide describes. I used to be really heavy; I'm still somewhat heavy though I'm losing. I have thyroid issues and I was on other medications that packed on the extra weight. I got off those medicines and my thyroid is getting better, but I'll be on thyroid hormone the rest of my life. I probably will never get back to pre-thyroid and medication weight, but I am very healthy and I do exercise. I never judge people on weight because you don't know what they are going through. However, it seems like most people (both male and female) judge. When I was heavier, I never got hit on. Then again, neither did I when I was thin. But, when friends at the time were getting hit on and going off with guys, that used to bother me. It actually killed my self esteem. Now, since I'm moving, it doesn't bother me so much anymore because I'm at where I want to be and working hard, but I also have other priorities (moving, job, getting my life together).

I can't say if other girls meant what they said, but I meant every word I left Monoxide. As long as he's healthy, his weight doesn't bother me. Also, if he is still on medications, as long as it helps him, it doesn't bother me either. Again, I can relate to things wholeheartedly. He's also going to be 41 years old in July, we get heavier as we age usually. I don't think Monoxide is that much heavier now than he was in this video (Google him if you don't pay attention to the pictures I do post :p ). Monoxide is a good person, he's a very genuine person and I love how he talks to us (other celebrities don't usually). To me, personality counts much more than physical looks, especially if someone can't help it. Of course, health does mean the world to me as well. I guess what I want to say is what I feel is like what he describes in the video: it's more than looks, Juggalos and Juggalettes; we're people and we're family and we all have differences that should be appreciated.

Saturday, March 29, 2014

100 Days of Happy: Day #83/ A Prayer to Nan

Day #83: Popcorn and Angry Orchard. Yep.  Off to write now!

Last Thursday (3/20/14), I saw my god-father's sister and I told her about trying to relocate and finding a job. She said, "You should look up to the sky and pray to nan." I put off writing a poem until tonight, but please let me know what you think.

A Prayer to Nan

As I stand at the bus stop,
only a few steps away from your house.
I remember when I was younger--
the Rambler turns 15 in May;
(can you believe it? It seems like yesterday.)
I would be staying at your house
since I loved living with you in the summer,
and I would run down the street,
a bundle of energy,
since a stop was in front of your house too.
You'd laugh, but then I'd come home to you;
you'd tell me how proud of me you were
and to follow my dreams; to go to the Midwest,
to start a new life, but to never forget you.

That was taken away in 2013
when lung cancer claimed your life--
they did give you six months, but I denied.
In the year since, I've been so lost, nan;
my life had quickly fallen apart,
I've lost my rock, my light, my hope.
But, now I'm finally trying to live my dream,
trying to move; Detroit instead of Green Bay;
and I'm asking for your help --
you always believed in me
and said to follow my dreams and move.
Please help me, please guide me
in this journey to Michigan and through life;
I love you and miss you, but please know
that I will never forget you and hold you dear.

Friday, March 28, 2014

The Secret Life of Blogger's Blog Party: Allergy Season? Early Night, Future Plans Tomorrow (3/22-3/28)

Saturday, March 22

Dad and I went to lunch at Wegman's. We both ordered a lobster roll with French fries. So good!

I was going to treat dad, but dad surprised me and paid for lunch (he said he wants me to save for the move). I love my dad; my dad is a good man. :) When we arrived home, I worked on John's drawing. John is Hal's partner; Hal is one of my Chicago friends. John's Corgi, Star, died on March 13. I wanted to show my love.

I also took Mimi out to enjoy the 60 degree weather:

And the crocuses are opened even more!

But then she found comfort behind my still wrapped Audubon print

Sunday, March 23

It's a Harveytoon, but does anyone know what this is? I thought it was cute, but I love these old cartoons.

Relaxing, uneventful day. The temperature dropped 25 degrees again. Mom and I went to the Wegman's in Collegeville and I bought Milka chocolate. That German chocolate is AWESOME!

Mom also made the bangers with potatoes and green peppers. YUM!

Monday, March 24

What a spoiled little girl. :) I came up with some weekly goals for I decided that each week I want to have goals:

1.) Apply for 3 jobs in Detroit, MI and apply for the Michael's craft store teacher in King of Prussia, PA until I can move.
2.) Write 3 poems and post them to
3.) Write an article for Yahoo! Voices.
4.) Make 2 public reviews on

I also sent John his drawing:

I love this flavor of gelato:

Also, I went through old magazines at the library today. We get rid of magazines that are more than a year old. I took Bon Appetit so I can take it with me when I move.

And look!

Mimi and I practicing for the Grumpy Cat contest through Friskies.

Tuesday, March 25

When I turned on the Today Show, I was so happy to see British cooks on there teaching Americans how to make bangers and mash. The people at Wegmans said bangers are only available in store here around St. Patrick's Day (hopefully that's different in Michigan), but the guy said chunky pork sausages make the perfect bangers. Here is some of the cooking:

When I got to the mall,  I bought a Michigan oat bar. I thought it could bring luck. It was pretty good.

But, when I logged into my computer, I saw this:

This is my song. This song is one of their many songs that changed my life. I know I posted this for day #79 (, but here are other pictures from the photo shoot before I decided on the image I used:

Yeah, I love Twiztid and I love Monoxide. I created a folder dedicated to him on Everything Monoxide.

I also saw that they were airing the Tigers game against the Atlanta Braves today! I turned on ESPN and watched the game.

They sadly lost to the Braves. 12-3. :( Ah, well, it's been an awesome day. It also began to snow… an early spring onion snow.

And this is my favorite. This is the statuette I bought in 2000. I hope to take it with me to Detroit. :)

I applied to three jobs today, including the Arabic one. Here is my resume for World Singles LLC.

Wednesday, March 26

Only a coating of snow. Wasn't bad at all and it looked pretty. I felt bad for the crocuses, though. It was another busy day at the library. I took a look at some of the children's books that came back in the ILL bag to get ideas to start my own. After work, I treated mom to Chipotle: it had opened on Monday. It was good.

I was dressed in my Tigers t-shirt. They were playing the Phillies today and I assumed it'd be on. It said it should have been on, but with a delay. It didn't air, but the Tigers won (1-0). :) Here I am in my shirt, then enjoying ice cream:

Dad and I then let out Mimi. The snow had melted. I took some pictures of the crocuses, post snow. I saw some of the crocuses withered.

Mimi enjoyed the sun!

I then wanted a picture with Mimi. Aw, man, I wish I didn't smile in the one because it would have been perfect for the Grumpy Cat contest.

I tried more pictures with Mimi for the contest.

Thursday, March 23

Twiztid released 4 The Fam 2 today!

The Easter Bunny is back!

Yeah, vanilla ice cream is good with kahlua. In December 2009-February 2010, I ate this every night. This coupled with other things added the weight. Don't worry, I don't eat this every day and I can't tolerate a lot of ice cream anymore. I did go for an hour long walk though. :)

Friday, March 28

Beautiful! It ended up raining for a majority of the day, but I love the way the sun looked!

I'm not Catholic anymore, but this was hanging up at the library. Apparently cardinals are the spirits of spirits. We were getting a lot of cardinals for a while, so I'd like to think that is nan. :) Anyway, here is what I accomplished this week:

1.) Apply for 3 jobs in Detroit, MI and apply for the Michael's craft store teacher in King of Prussia, PA until I can move.
I applied for 4 jobs in Detroit, someone from Hashtag Detroit is going to help me find jobs. I have a headache today, so tomorrow I will fill out the library form for Detroit Public Library. I'm not sure about Michael's even though mom yelled at me last night saying I can't relocate. I'm committed to making May a reality. I'm just not sure if I should ask the two people I know that work at Michael's if I can relocate with them at any given time. I was blocked by a few people this week (I guess I'm annoying after all), so I'm not sure if it'd be wise to ask.

However, I did create a page on Facebook, Footprints In Time. It's the scrapbook business I tried starting two years ago, but needed more help. This time it'll include my photography. I figured I can start small. I also checked out a book called 50 Odd Jobs from the library.

2.) Write 3 poems and post them to
I wrote two on, but I'm working on my third. I actually did write some creative articles on why Monoxide and nan inspire me.

"I'm hoping to try more let's open up my door
 And let em know that I'm bringing me back like encore...

 ...I'm in the struggle looking to fight for the right
 To be more than just alright...
 And I'm looking for more light so I can see what they got in store for my life" - Monoxide "LDLHA-IBCSYWA"

 I remember I used to have a huge crush on Madrox when I was in middle through high schools, but last year when I rediscovered Twiztid, I developed a crush on Monoxide. Twiztid's music inspires me and it helped me through so much, but Monoxide really inspires me. 2013 was a life changing year and he was there for me. When I graduated in December, he tweeted me a congratulations (that made my heart melt). He sometimes interacts with me on Twitter and he posted one of my drawings last week on their Instagram. I really love Monoxide.

 He's so kind-hearted and I can't say that for many celebrities. Monoxide is one of a kind and I can't wait to meet him (hopefully October). However, it goes beyond that. His lyrics really show me that I'm not alone in my struggle. He gives me a lot of hope and can turn my frowns into smiles. "Unstoppable" really motivated me into looking for jobs in Michigan again and it reminded me not to give up.

 I know it might come off as a crazy fan, but sometimes it's just really hard to put into words my feelings for Monoxide. I'm glad I have him.

I submitted this for Bubblews; I think I'm going to clean it up and post it on :)

3.) Write an article for Yahoo! Voices.
The piece I started about nan is on Bubblews, but for Yahoo! Voices I'm going to put more in depth research about lung cancer to inform people. I checked out the book today and will be writing it this weekend. Hopefully it'll get approved!

4.) Make 2 public reviews on
Yep, made three!

I'm not feeling too hot. I napped for an hour and a half this afternoon - have a headache. I hope it's allergies. I remember around this time last year it was; when we had Easter with Aunt Kathy (3-31-13), people thought I was crying because that's how bad allergies were. I hope once I move, allergies go away for a little bit. I'll continue with the job hunt tomorrow. I might also look in Ann Arbor, I read that has a big writing community. Have a great weekend! 

Day #82: NEW MUSIC! I can't wait to listen to Twiztid's 4 The Fam 2 as well as these CDs I got from the library later.