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Sunday, February 24, 2013

Response to Scaffolding Inside You

We had to read this for class. Here is my response and a poem I wrote:

I was just taken off of some psych medicines and this poem struck a chord with me. I’ve been in that place before where things just don’t seem to fit and the despair is too overwhelming.  Since I am going through a withdrawal, things got awkward and tense with Patrick this weekend that I just felt like walking away to the point that the lines “you should bury more than the dead/you should try harder/you should give up” struck and resonated with me. It brought me back to feelings of my life before the diagnosis and how I just wanted to walk away from everything just because I couldn’t do it. My life felt like this: “the sky has stopped/ offering you reasons to live and your heart is the rock/ you threw through each window/ of what deserted you…” This poem just made me feel really hollow and like crying. I wrote my own poem about how I felt this weekend:
You should give up,
you have tried hard enough,
the voices inside me scream.

The scaffolding inside me
where memories are taken by their neck
and hanged to punish for their sins;
their screams haunt the crevices
as the fear builds these four walls.

Welcome to hell, the voices say and the labels read.
“Don’t think, you’re not able to, not in the right mind,
just sit down and take what you’re supposed to…”

But inside me, the voices grow louder,
the taunts twist and agonize;
will this ever end? Will I ever be normal?
will I ever live a life free of these drugs?
will I ever just be happy for once?
will I ever stop obsessing?
Like I was promised, like I was told,
these would change my life for the good—
but I am no longer woman,
the blood trickles away,
and fat replaces the dilapidation,
the curves just chip away.

You should just give up,
you have done enough and you ruined it,
the scaffolding will always remind me.

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