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Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Just Got Stuck


I just got stuck with a poem. Any advice, ideas would be awesome! Here's what I have so far:
"Damn, it's cold and I wish I had a hat," he shivered as he started the car.
"I have a fleece one," I subtly replied, "But, it's Packers."
"That's okay. The Packers aren't bad, I'll be a fan for the night!"
So I handed off my hat, one of my prized Packers possessions.

 
I want to emphasize the possession part and make it almost like that possession doesn't matter; happiness and love that matters (I know, I know, sappy. Shoot me now). Maybe I'll write this:
"Damn, it's cold and I wish I had a hat," he shivered as he started the car.
"I have a fleece one," I subtly replied, "But, it's Packers."
"That's okay. The Packers aren't bad, I'll be a fan for the night!"
So I handed off my hat, one of my prized Packers possessions.
He quickly threw it on, it looked snug on his head,
so he smiled at me and thanked me very much; I smile,
I am relieved he took my hat--$4 in Limerick, a surprise last year,
usually you can't find Packers things just anywhere in Pennsylvania—
he looks so nice and warm.

 
"Dude, Packers, really?" his friends harp on him;
he just smiles and says, "what? They're—"
"my hat," I interjected. "I'm a huge Packers fan."
I'm nervous, maybe that was a good indication,
but the subject quickly changes
and he hands me back my hat, for safe keeping he whispers.

 
"Where is your hat," he frantically feels his head and panics,
"We'll look for it when we get to my house,"
"I hope I didn't lose it!"
We eventually did find it after quickly searching, ending with a hug.

 
Maybe it's too bizarre and the meaning is lost?

1 comment:

  1. You can make it happen, Jessica!! Keep trying!

    I am incredibly busy so I cannot give specific advice at the moment.

    ReplyDelete