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Saturday, November 17, 2012

About #67

Last night Christina and I were having a conversation and it went back and forth between #67 and Christmas. Before I retired for the night, I said: "I remember the only time I hung out with Mike and he asked me if age difference bothered me. At the time it did, but I'm realizing it shouldn't."

I like #67. I like #67 a lot. I decided I'd give him that book after a lot of advice given (one friend I shouldn't because it'd be moving too fast and creep him out, but three friends said I should and it's a good risk, especially letting him know how I feel); I ordered it last night and I'm nervous as hell, yet excited at the same time. I hope he likes the poem I wrote about him.

So, about #67. As I mentioned in the poem, he is a football player for WCU. He's also a criminal justice major and is a freshman. He's in my critical thinking class. Yesterday we worked in a group and he asked me for my e-mail address for our assignment. I said, "Let me write down my e-mail address on your study guide." He retorted, "I'm giving it to you, I want to put it in my phone." So I gave it to him, though at the time I thought it was odd, but a few friends said it was a good sign. He did send me the study guide and we texted for two hours last night. I learned a lot about him (we both love Johnny Cash and rock music) and we're both only children. I brought up the topic of his cousin since they are in pictures a lot together. His cousin is 7 and adorable. I think I made a faux pas by saying, "that is a good age. I'd adopt a child that age." Ooops, he didn't respond, then I had to go to bed.

I brought up a Christmas party last night to him, but I realized this morning that it;s the same day that I signed up for my memoir writing class from 10am-1pm. I could have it that day, but I have a feeling the cab fare is going to be expensive. Christina said I shouldn't stretch myself and could have it at another time. I decided I'd have breakfast, lunch, or dinner individually and get some pictures and catch up. I brought it by #67 just now: "So, I decided that instead of having a party I'd have a meal with one at a time. So maybe sometime we can have breakfast before the semester ends. I signed up for this memoir writing class, so I don't have time for a party before the end of the semester." I hope it wasn't too straightforward and I hope I'm not so obvious that it hurts. An adjunct professor I talk to told me not to obsess like we all do at the beginning of a relationship, but it's hard. He's right though.

Thursday a cab driver told me, "You're pretty. Getting a boyfriend should be easy for you." It isn't and I keep forgetting that maybe I do look okay, but I don't feel it. I'm scared shitless because I have bipolar disorder and thyroid condition. It scares me because I don't know. I don't like being so unstable (especially if my thyroid is off, they just adjusted dosages since I was lashing out, hopefully that does the trick because psychiatric med changes suck) and it scares me. Maybe it shouldn't?


6 comments:

  1. Delayed reaction! My apologies, with a ramble of contrition.

    I think that it is cool when potential significant others are different in any way, or even other people in general. Age, gender, life expectations, height, weight, diet, strength, flexibility, exercise regime, huggability... Sometimes people look different than how they actually are, and that is usually pretty neat. (This response seems childish, or maybe is it child-like as is potentially healthy according to a public speaker I heard once in church methinks?)

    I think nerves and excitement are very similar. Almost the same thing, if perceived in different ways! Both make me tremble.

    Couldn't you take a day off from the memoir writing class for the party, which happens only once? It may have already happened, in which case I apologise for my delay.

    I think you aren't so obvious that it hurts. And if you are, then I'm wrong. I'm often wrong. It isn't a bad thing, except if I were SERIOUSLY attempting that 4.0 I mention semi-regularly. I don't doubt I scare off many people because of my priority: A+. (Which can be proven using the gratuitous example of Alex the cellist, with whom I partnered for Chinese History mid-term study, during which I terrified him, as proven by his avoiding me ever since.) Except for the A+ students, with whom I don't usually get the chance to communicate since we're both busy with studies. ;_; (...which alludes to wanting to speak with the person of the proof I attempted below... u_u)

    We do NOT all obsess at the beginning of a relationship, I claim! Different people act differently to each other, I continue.
    When "a relationship" is defined as "how one person relates to another" and not as "an agreement between two parties that they are 'out' with each other" then I present the example of myself and you. We are in a relationship since we both ride the 92 bus and talk to one another semi-regularly. The route changed, so we're never together any more. I still read your blog entries periodically, and comment on them about 78% of the time I have the chance for it.
    When "a relationship" is defined the other way I detailed above - the mutual agreement to be "out" until further notice - then you may be right.
    I decided against my scientific proof you can "like" someone without obsessing over them, because the proof I started involved a previous boyfriend in whom I'm still interested, and also I noted my continued interest in study of China is fuelled by a desire to understand his culture, which proves I am indeed obsessed with the person in question, which furthermore proves YOUR assertion that when you "like" someone, you obsess over him.
    It only takes a little bit of finagling to make that assertion into a mathematical proof itself, which I don't doubt he would be interested in reading.
    When I went about that logical proof, I ended up proving myself wrong in asserting stuff, which is embarrassing and just doesn't need to be broadcast to your readers or to him, whom I had considered emailing a transcript of this conversation. (We have emailed each other transcripts of interesting conversations probably around 18 times)

    I think the fear you end this entry describing is valid, because it seems you cannot control this lashing out you describe, and lack of control terrifies me, ergo you, too - if you agree with the hypothesis "we are scared of similar things" - but even I disagree with that one in certain situations. Here's the proof: I am afraid of my sister, and it seems you would just like to be able to talk with her more: a curiosity and not a fear. So we are different in that fear, qed. Ow. Science is painful.

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  2. I find what you have to say always interesting. A lot of stuff to ponder over, and a few things that can go into logical equations that I'm learning in my class.

    Thanks for the response ::hugs::

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for the feedback! ♥

      I'm pondering whether I'm getting my own PhD in Logic or Combinatorics when I get there xDD What do you mean, putting stuff into logical equations?

      *glomp* Goodnight! I will respond to your email in the morning, I'm guessing.

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    2. Oh, we're doing these equations or conditions. If P, then Q. So, say you have a sentence, you can map it out to see if it's legitimately logical or not. It's interesting.

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    3. If P, then Q is no where near as complex as Logical Analysis can get, Jessica. *scoff*
      It is easier to note logical inconsistencies when reduced to the bare essentials of the statement, but there is only P in the if/antecedent/apotesis clause, in this instance, and only Q in the result/protesis/then clause, which is simple and bare. (I probably got the protesis/apotesis stuff mixed up and/or misspelt, but I'm more confident antecedent and result are correct!)

      Happy Thanksgiving. To be self-centered this year, I'm thankful my mind is not as limited as I've observed in others!

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    4. Happy Thanksgiving! I'm thankful for my friends this year. I've made some great ones over the years. :)

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