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Monday, September 5, 2011

6 Months

Six months--
the clouds take the sky again;
gray and foreboding, how, why, when?
bang, bang-- the thunder cracks -- boom,
teeming, blue, frigid violent waters loom;
numb, terrified, the salt fills my lungs.
How, why, when, my tears have stung
my raw, white-blue cheeks, the waves crash,
pulling me under, your screaming clash;
the cacophony of confusion-- gurgling water and cries--
I want to save you, my heavy heart lies,
unconscious, drowned, defeated upon the shores.

Six months--
the clouds take the sky again;
I want to scream, has anything changed?
The guilt that gnashes, I wanted,
I could have saved you; why, why, why?
these wounds and voices will never leave me,
as darkness embraces me,
a hollow realization visits, haunting--
six months, am I any stronger?

Today marks the 6 month anniversary of Jim and the McAndrew family's death. It's been a really hard weekend and well, last night I broke down. I can't believe it. Someone said tomorrow when I visit my psych, I should talk to him about it -- it might be PTSD. I see my therapist on Wednesday. Let us take a moment of silence for Jim and his family.

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