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Tuesday, June 7, 2011


rocks smooth and shiny; don't touch
or crumple to dust.

What is ephemeral? I've always loved this word and according to Merrium Webster, ephemeral (\i-ˈfem-rəl, -ˈfēm-; -ˈfe-mə-, -ˈfē-\) is an adjective that describes something that is fleeting or only lasting momentarily.

Yesterday marked three months since Jim has died and well, the grief hasn't been ephemeral, but as I move day by day in life, I realize that some things will be ephemeral and other things not so much. I need both in life to make it truly real, I suppose. I'm not really sure what has come over me. I've been feeling really strange lately in the wake of such tragedy (I posted yesterday that I lost a bunch of people in the past six months; Jim and his family and a girl I graduated with was murdered by a boyfriend who committed suicide [happened last November] and she left behind a four year old. One of the friends posts pictures of the little girl and seeing Jim's half siblings just makes me so sad). My 14 year old cousin's friend posted the comment, "well, how did you get over it?" Knowing that at such a young age (is 14 really that young? I understood death at that age and grief, but maybe because dad's side of the family is so much older and mom's mom had cancer) he probably doesn't understand, but I explained, "Well, I really didn't. I'm still working through it. It's something that takes time and isn't a quick fix." It turned into a 20 comment conversation. I guess this is just making me question and embrace life. I suppose nothing is ever fixed and people, money, whatever is ephemeral; it doesn't last forever and it comes and it goes.

I miss you Jim. I'll never forget you.

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