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Thursday, June 9, 2011

3 months... and still haunting me...

http://articles.philly.com/2011-06-08/news/29634208_1_mental-state-preliminary-hearing-slayings

I saw this when I walked into work (the library) tonight after spending a day working on a book for Straw Beary's fundraiser that included tributes of Jim. As I read this article, I had to stop myself from crying at work. I am apart of this group on Facebook and a few cousins of the McAndrews' writes Joe-Joe daily. If that was me, I wouldn't, I just couldn't do it without anger and wanted to strangle the guy. Actually, I will admit, there are days where I just wish I could put my arms around Joe-Joe's neck and just squeeze. I know, I know, it's terrible to think, but I am very angry with him. These feelings actually scare me and this is my first time admitting I have these feelings from time to time.

I told nan what the extended family was doing and I said, "I dunno if I could write if it was me." Nan said, "You better not get any ideas." He's in building 50 of the mental hospital right next to the Court House dad works in. Building 50 is more for the criminally insane and they go there until they're competent enough to stand trial and if they are never competent, from the way dad was talking, they never leave and just spend the rest of their breathing, waking moments in the padded cell. Anyway, a part of me thinks maybe writing a letter expressing this anger and sending it would help. BUT, building 50 is like prison and the mail is read. Maybe, I should just write a letter and not send it, like I was told many times in meetings...

I am sorry to be rambling. :\ I guess I am just still upset about this and as I type, I cry. My God, the only time I felt this much intense loss is when Dimebag Darrell died and he was killed in the same manner (6 years ago). But, even this is more intense. It hurts to read these news reports.

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